I am the Ass Merchant.

eat my ass daddy

Great Leader


1. Eat ass with consent

2. Fuck ass with consent

3. Finger ass with consent

4. Murder ass with consent

5. Eviscerate ass with consent

6. Pillage ass with consent


Halt pathethic motherfucking plebian earthlings. We are the ass munching, butthole licking martian warriors from Melionioa. The leader of our legion is an avid weed enthusiast martian named Gazunshibob. We will blow up your little pathetic ass space rock if you dont give us something. We have come for your motherfucking booty okay? If you worthless organisms are kind enough to send us your delicious booty, we will dismiss you from the list of planets we will fucking blow up for going in our way of colonizing the galaxy. Anyways, we love you and we hope you stay safe.

Alien Weaponry

  • High Caliber Melionioan Laser Pistol
  • High Power 2 Handed Railgun
  • Laser Space P90
  • Classic Melionioan Ray Gun Pistol
  • High Caliber Melionioan Laser Pistol

Us Melionioan martians have very advanced technology and can blow all of you humans into little tiny smithereens. We are kind of hessitant to do that because, we don't want to turn your booties into ash. That's why you do not get in our way. Most of our weapons shoot some sort of laser as a projectile and most of them do run on kief and vegetable oil.